Weblog
Sunday, 22 January 2012
-
sigurroschangedmylife.
well, not really. im probably more naive than i think i am. what do you think.
if you were to know my real intentions. God knows.
why doesnt xanga let us post what we're listening to anymore. what a bummer.
i wanna do awesome things to my hair. i'm waiting for it to grow.
i am also waiting for my internship to end. like what i've mentioned in the previous post, i still feel the same.
i want it to end, but i dont. it's like i have to get back to reality.
no more excuses for doing things i dont exactly want to do.
no more excuses for not wanting to meet certain people.
no more excuses.
does that also mean no more feeling 'useless' and 'insecure'?
i doubt.
i dont know what has gotten into me. negativity has never taken up so much of me before.
why would you fall for the worst ive become?
but, thank you. if you ever read this.
there's nothing much for me to be proud of, actually.
okay, i dont wanna start 'bawling' over how useless and how people dont notice the shit i do/can actually do.
that's just being pure retarded and immature. ive been giving in to my emotions.
and i know i've been ignoring my conscience. and ignoring the fact that God's been there, waiting for me the whole time.
im a loser. i dont know what to do, anymore.
the two 'best' feelings in the world. being lost and alone.
is that where you're gonna leave me?
not you, God. i know you'd never.
people change. people can still change, after changing.
it's all in the mind. it's psychological. where will i be?
as ive read, if given a choice, i dont want the obligation to morality.
i want the license to do what i want/when i want.
and i know we're given that. it's just that.. yeah.
i have to consciously think happy thoughts. and be all positive again.
am i determined enough to do so? i rly dont know.
i am going to acknowledge the fact that i need you, God. i have to.
and i cant do this alone.
whatever. i kinda like this photo.
Raleigh looks really awesome.
Monday, 02 January 2012
-
thisisprettyoverwhelming
i really completely forgot how 2011 went, after a tiny bit of attempted reflection last night/this morning.
but after reading the old posts, wow, 2011 was a bitch. the first half, actually.
it sorta became better, during attachment? why is that so.
had a good christmas and new year's celebration though. great company.
what we did yesterday, was a good thing and I'd rly have to thank Amanda and Freda for being there.
burning paper. never done that before. no, not just paper. paper with all the evil, effed up shit that happened in 2011.
I honestly couldn't remember the negatives at that moment, but the posts.
the emotions just came back. wish I could burn em again.
but things I would love to thank God for, in no particular order:
llamaxcore
epic year two sem two gpa
new friendship, remaining friendship
my family, of course
and breath given to me to this day.
okay. quotable quotes for 2012.
let go, let God.
there's more to living than being alive.
hang on. (I got this when two of my friends kinda said that to me at the same time. pretty apt.)
things to look forward to.
llamaxcore's gig. (not freaking anymore)
ltm's chalet.
break for cny. (and more moolah, heh.) (WHAT BREAK?!)
Wicked!
end of internship. YEEEZZZUUUHHH.
tioman trip.
underoath's gig.
ADTR's gig.
mosaic festival.
langkawi trip.
driving lessons. and my license, hopefully.
Seattle/New Zealand trip.
yeah, that sums up just about what I'm going to do this year. till April. or June, or something.
don't know what I'm gonna do with my life, honestly. but, yeah. okay.
I'll try to go to church more often. hah. I miss worshipping. and serving. there's just been something missing.
we'll see where this mysterious year takes me to.
(please remember that your letter to yourself is with Amanda and that you're gonna receive it at the end of the year.)
have a good 2012, world.
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
-
and it is finished.
life has come to a point where contentment is good enough.
other than that, here's a list of wants and needs. heh.
you know, for teh lulz. and reminders for myself.- jeans, shorts, tees, socks
- tiny silver stud
- purple highlights (or red)
- epic nonslip iphone covers
- thin wallet
- pen refills
i think those are mostly 'wants'.
so. with reference to the title, another chapter of my life is about to come to an end.
12th August 2010. last official day of lessons in our entire poly life.
(exams are in five days and what am i doing on xanga.)
i feel incredibly blessed to have such an awesome class.
been having awesome classes since secondary three.
love you guys, no matter how murderous/annoying/retarded/stupid/lame/gay/chinese/malay/cantonese speaking, etc, you are, and how much you hate me.
and 14th August 2010, last time serving for the year. probably.
it's kinda sad, actually. (and i'll miss you too.)
but it's just five months. though it'll feel like years.
i'll probably be rusty as um. Hakim's septum stud when im back. (they arent supposed to rust, but he doesnt believe me.)
and the bird's gonna own my ass hands down. good on yuh.okay. shall attempt to do past year papers. or look em through, at least.
oh well. this year didnt start off too well, honestly. but it got better, i guess.
life has come to a point where contentment is good enough.
Friday, 01 July 2011
-
why the foshizzle is this shit in chaneez. goodness. well, hello everyone, once again. it's been. five months? wow. all I wanted to say was actually just.. I feel like I'm looking forward to something. attachment, probably? then I checked my heart and realized I wanted to just run away. but. what can I do? okay, attachment cause I basically won't have a social life. sounds like crap, doesn't it. I'd probably have to disagree, just this once. if people knew how I actually feel.
Chatboard (7)